Follow Your Heart

Well guys.. itu title seriously klise banget. Tapi bener.. Anyway awalnya jadi gini, berita niat re****n (agak belum sanggup nulisnya haha) udah agak meluas ya, ya ga apa2 kali ya biar makin mantep juga. May be for some of them who du no about this case (I said case ya becz it is case 😭), my intention to go out from here next year thats too much.. why they think just like that? Yeah, it’s fair because the only thing that they know is he didn’t choose me and he choose the other one, yeah they just know about the cover.

Well actually it’s not simple as that guys. So many things happen before, I remember his words and I never forget it that make me believe to continue this relationship as “very close friend” 😂 ohh no silaturahmi relationship 😂. “A*u t****k mung*** pu*** hub#*#*#* d/$&-n s€£#^ pun d**%€m wa&/$ d*##t, ap* l**i sa$* o#%*# s*#* k#^##a y* ak* t£* pe*#%**n k**u”. Jeng jeng jeng.. apa itu haha after your pray so many times, it was like sun shine yaa.. 🤪

Kembali ke follow your heart, after long long time ago looking for the real one, I met him with that condition.. And his decision in the begining of this year made me so shocked. After we had so many conversations, and all we have done, cried, feel so much hurted, frustrated, so I let him go, but still we couldn’t find the deals.

So, I did what I want to do, and he also. As I know after that he bought the ring. Me, I decide to. (Dan harusnya aku follow my heart pada saat itu)

1. Resign (I’ve already found new school at that time, pertimbangannya banyak.. bukan karena aku hanya mau move on, tapi jg aku butuh istirahat, supaya aku jg bisa ikut PPG kalau aku out from there, ya may be aku bisa PPG tahun ini di sekolah yg baru, bisa iya bisa ga sih, sedihnya kalau tahun depan tidak ada penerimaan guru model begitu lagi distop udahan, kaaan, you have to follow your heart guys) 🥺

2. Pada saat itu utk waktu yg lama berdua mama we pray for jodoh..bulan puasa juga, banyak sekali waktu makbul, and I did istikhoroh, bcz at that time my mom told me to accept someone who are going to propose me. Jadi kalau yg suka baca blog aku kl dulu sempet baca new step actually itu tentang ini. Aku sampe nanya orang2 yg taaruf an, how was the feeling, they made me brave. Dan aku, aku mau paksa diri aku aja deh, bcz as I want, menikah adalah ibadah, niat aku ibadah. (Eh Terus masa kemaren2, waktu aku disuruh cerita ini tentang kejelasan ini, sama beberapa orang eh one of them malah ada yg ngetawain, “istikhoroh apa buktinya gini” sambil ketawa gitu, Ya Allah, that was not easy, enak bener komennya). And it’s happened..

He came again, and I remember at the time it was, when we’re going to report day.. I just know about his decision when near2 report day lah, his girl messege me, dan pada saat itu pun aku belum yakin, dan belum ngerti, karena memang kalau ditanya memang absurd gitu jawabannya, sampai pd suatu hari aku tanya dan ya jawaban dia, “udah ga biar semuanya baik2 aja”. Sampe Syawal pun aku takut masih takut kok.

But.. the fact, I was wrong, he came only as “silaturahmi friendship”, the first time I felt so happy and baper after all of that happened, he asked me to have iftar together at that time, and may be I was too Ke Ge eR an because I thought he want to start our new chapter gitu.. Yeah women loh.. baperan tuh mendarah daging bangetkan. Terus setelah itu, we close as usual eat together, share each other, went to the movie, ngopi together, study together, went to “tempat biasa”, visited him in the camp, come to my class, decorate class, support each other, go to the beach, many things we did deh, everything itu ternyata hanya “silaturahmi friendship” menurut dia itu.. Ya aku kan ga pernah gitu sama orang lain, jadi aku pikir ini special, bahkan kita sempet janjian, I called him “Spec” it was mean “Special”.

#eaaaaa

Pokoknya intinya harusnya aku menjalankan apa2 yang aku rasa yakini diawal dan udah pake doa.. bukan ikutin maunya oranglah.. Emang udah bener lah last year itu 🤪 Karena yang tau kita itu ya kita, orang mana tau hati kita berasa ke iris2 denger kabar itu, gimana perihnya, deg deg an tiap hari nyiapin hati menerima kenyataan tahun depan..

Well that’s all my point of view sih.. may be he has the other opinion about this, from his side, or her side. Mungkin diposisi aku, aku merasa benar, padahal aku salah.. So sorry to everyone who feel hurted because of my feeling.. not his feeling 🥺

I will let you feel enjoy about your decision.. Jangan tahan aku lagi 🙂 I really don’t want to stay here 👤

Bismillah.. cerita-cerita terakhir aku, kamu, dan di sini Insyaallah next year.